I used to have these argyle socks (mixtures 3)

And finally, this. You've probably heard it, you can get it plenty of other places. But not, it seems, quite this version. It's from the original vinyl issue, and therefore contains the original, and clearly by far the best, tracklisting. All the favourites are still there, but out go the underwhelming later additions, and back comes one of the cracking original inclusions...

Various Artists - Pebbles Volume 3 (1979; BFD)

A1: Dave Diamond & the Higher Elevation - The Diamond Mine
A2: Teddy & his Patches - Suzy Creamcheese
A3: Crystal Chandelier - Suicidal Flowers
A4: William Penn V - Swami
A5: Jefferson Handkerchief - I'm Allergic to Flowers
A6: (bonus track)
A7: The Calico Wall - Flight Reaction
A8: The Hogs - Loose Lip Sync Ship
A9: The Driving Stupid - The Reality of Air Fried Borsk

B1: The Third Bardo - I'm Five Years Ahead of My Time
B2: The Bees - Voices Green and Purple
B3: The Monocles - The Spider & the Fly
B4: Godfrey - Let's Take a Trip
B5: TC Atlantic - Faces
B6: Mike Condello - Soggy Cereal
B7: The Lea Riders Group - Dom Kellar os Mods
B8: The Driving Stupid - Horror Asparagus Stories
B9: Race Marbles - Like a Dribbling Fram

So, as I said, all the much-travelled and much-covered favourites are here. The Fuzztones and The Thanes have had a go ("Horror Asparagus Stories"), the Fuzztones have had another go ("Voices Green and Purple"), and the world and his dog has had a go at "I'm Five Years Ahead of My Time" (The Cramps, Monster Magnet, from the sublime to the riffdiculous). And, as such, you probably need few pointers from me with regards to their mental majesty (although a special mention must be made of Crystal Chandelier - a Jim Morrison imitation so slavish and faithful that you begin to wonder if he was actually convinced he was the golden-voiced thick-headed purveyor of ludicrous "poetry" himself - and the truly incomparable Race Marbles. Never has Whiny Nasal Bob Dylan been interpreted so pleasingly and enjoyably).

Another special mention should be made of the tracklisting versus the actual songs on the album. That is, "Horror Asparagus Stories" doesn't actually make it from the cover to the vinyl for some reason. It's a fine song though, readily available elsewhere, so feel free to add yourself and concoct a whole new version (providing you keep it Adjeef free, of course).

So, why am I including this? Well, there's no Adjeef on this version, for a start. Score ten points to the original vinyl. It's from the vinyl, so score another billion. It has all the great things that the other versions have, only in vinyl form, so score as many as the other versions, with just a little bit extra added. And it has Mike Condello's disturbing discovery of a Soviet plot in his breakfast bowl, so invent your own big number, add that to the score, download the album, set fire to the score chart and run away merrily laughing and contesting the urge to do a slightly cossack-type dance whilst lustily singing about commie cereal and Fu Manchu.

Think you can kill harmonicas like that? More will come.